I want to scream

I want to scream
“Combat PTSD Vets know price” brings us to look at what price can be asked for doing the right act for our Country the USA? I read a great article in Veterans Today by Allen L. Roland that touches on the betrayal many veterans feel from bought politicians that never served in our US Military. The deep inner feeling of my two worlds that no one can grasp or even want to see is mine alone. The shame I feel brought on by this civilized society back here for coming back alive. I do not talk to other veterans of my weakness of not being able to adjust is my weakness alone. I write and can bring out my thoughts in this fashion in clear defiance of my VA medical being stopped for doing just that. I want to scream to make society see US Military Veterans are people also. Some cannot forget every second of every day knowing life is over. No matter what we still do the mission no matter how stupid it looks as following orders is our job. First hand we live with death all around us, ours, there’s and innocent people but in war no one is innocent. Coming back time, after time from convoys deep into the bush where all the other men spoke a different language than you. The dark brown stain on your boot or under the fingernail washes away once back to base camp, making you realize I defied death once again. My false dream of seeing the USA just once turns to a nightmare back here. My PTSD is one disability but my TBI forever took my memory of the life that I once had back here. I will never be the victim but I want to scream to make people realize we are not the same innocent child with potential for a productive future that left. WE are different in many good ways that this civilized society just cannot see or understand.
My letters are censored for the danger society wants to believe that I am. I am on an island where violence is called for but I refuse for I came back alive to the USA where violence can never be the solution to correct the wrongs. The people of the USA are allowing the NH government and VA to use my medical care to control my free speech. Retribution for telling the world the NH Supreme Court refused to hear a case of criminal wrongs to harm the people by a brother Judge/attorney (Judge Peter Fauver). The solution is communication but I am just a dumb veteran stereo typed in to silence for coming back with disabilities instead of death. I know the price but so many times people have told me “things like this can never happen in the USA”. My mind tells me it is time to jump out of this benjo ditch and light up the gooks and end my life once and for all. It is like Allen’s article where everyone says one thing but what is real. Reality is a price the USA says is to high for those that came back alive. Incrassate us or medicate us for to understand we are citizens also is just a price those that have never been are unwilling to pay. To censor my freedom of speech demonstrates this civilized society’s unwillingness to accept us.
No one realizes is this really the USA?
Peter Macdonald Sgt USMC Semper Fi
465 Packers falls Rd Lee NH 03861 603-659-6217