Vietnam Conflict Suicide

I did it wrong
My life has not been easy. It is not that people single me out or that the world is out to get me. I am proud of my life because no matter how hard or what miss understandings I had quieting was never my option. I actually looked at it as a natural experience when the gooks took me from the friendly village some place in Cambodia to their campsite many clicks through the bush. Tied up by the VC campfire the enemy took turns poking me and laughing while they drank Rice wine leaving the younger one to walk guard just out of sight. Scared but staying cool over the next few hours freeing my self and then killing the child standing guard to get my M-16 back and escape. My memory completely gone from a TBI accident before being deployed the road I took seemed the route everyone else was taken. I tried to learn every day how to be a good US citizen so I could some day come back and see the real world, the USA. My life is no harder than any other person’s life it just happen many times I just went the wrong way.
The unforgiving memory of just sitting and waiting draws facts the mind just cannot explain, at least not in my head. Watching the night horizon light up in orange/yellow indicated the birds we launched a few hours earlier hit their mission and would arrive in another few hours. The chaotic movements to do a job as explosions from enemy mortars and sniper fire near misses are completely ignored for that was always the best that a US Marine could ask for. I will be sixty years old tomorrow and it all appears every time as if it is now. The mysterious questions developed by not having a memory of my own childhood before the MC are illuminated by the PTSD jitters of did I come back to the real world or not? The scared teenage US Marine laying on the side of a path deep in the bush as the VC patrol passes is unacceptable to me for I should have got up and taken them on. The right road or the wrong one is a question needing to be answered.
The funny part is all this for the USA as my running for NH State Senate is blocked by the very people we do it for. Telling the voters that I am a danger as the reason to justify voter fraud under minds my coming home. To make the reasons that I am running for NH State senate un-publishable facts of the NH Supreme Court refusing to hear a case of crimes against our Constitution by a fellow Judge contradicts the freedom of speech and freedom of press of the Constitution. I did it wrong but for the right reasons.
I came home to a nation that I had no memory of thinking you would accept me no matter what wrongs I did. Vietnam was and still is an unacceptable conflict in the minds of many back here. Suicide is not quitting it is a path when the job is done being transferred to other places is the natural progression of life and MC. NH and the VA stop my medical care yet they use my mental state to scare the public as government retribution to isolate me. Do not have law enforcement harass my family and friends or the VA suicide hotline call as harassment for tomorrow is my birthday and as wrong as it may be celebrating it will make many happy. Even if some believe it is the wrong path I will live through it. Life is not easy move on!
Peter Macdonald Sgt USMC Semper Fi
465 Packers falls Rd Lee NH 03824 603-781-3839