I so much, governor Lynch NH, Madbury, freedom

I so much
I so much want to die! I so much want to kill my self! I so much want to commit suicide! It was a tough day yesterday. I cut my lawn and went to a friend’s bar. I met a husband and wife who served in the Navy 65-69. I wrote these words yesterday but they are important to me because it was the start of a deep movement in my mind of that final convoy knowing the chance of me making it back to the world alive may be true. I had three beers instead of two hoping as medicine it would take away the pain and mind control of my brain and give me the power to complete taking my own life to get out of this benjo ditch. I am not mental these are the thought of many US Military. I do not have PTSD, the thoughts of being there just never go away as they conflict with civilized society’s refusal to accept even we that did it cannot conceive the toll of coming back alive. I learned when I first came back to keep silent of what it was like as the people back here would use it against you in life. I do not talk to my wife and kids of my USMC experience to protect them of knowing until recent years when I wrote my first book. I once started to tell a VA doctor about one experience but he quickly expressed how inconceivable such an event could be achieve by a human being. For the safety of the community the VA wants to lock me in a hospital as if the “VC” still control my freedom. Safety is the key word. Never listen to hear what we are saying. Instead incrassate under the label medical or danger taking our freedom as we defended it for you is just wrong. Governor Lynch even made me pay money to speak with him. He took my money but we did not talked. So much I wish someone had written this letter when I was still there to inform me they back here in the real world would make it a mistake to come back!
I am not a danger as I refuse to be violent back here in the world. The VA stopped my medical care until I stop writing letter of government wrongs. The newspapers will not print my letters for the opinion of a 100% disabled veteran must be censored to protect the community from people like us. The silent demons are what this civilized society creates by listening but never hearing what we are saying. I dropped out of high school at 17 to attempt to be a US Marine. If my words are not in the proper order to meet the standards of this civilized society so what freedom is the individual’s right to speak freely to inform others of the wrongs in government. To use any individuals medical care to control free speech cannot be tolerated in the USA.
No matter how much you despise my words the truth will not change. You the citizens of the USA must tell your newspapers never to censor the words of US Military Veterans telling the truth of what it is. I so much yesterday wanted but I did not and today is another day.
Peter Macdonald Sgt USMC Semper Fi
475 Packers falls Rd Lee NH 03824 603-781-3839
PS Do not send law enforcement to my home and do not have the VA suicide hotline call my family. Harassment is against the law.
I hope every person that tolerates this letter to read it sends a copy the governor of NH, local newspapers and the Veterans Administration.